ZaDr Girlfriend

                                Invader Zim.  Girlfriend.

    Dib sat in the skool cafeteria, thinking about Gretchen. Sure, she was admittedly creepy, and unpopular, but she was nice. In an obsessive, disturbing kind of way. Dib sighed and put his head on the table. Yesterday, in front of the entire class, she had confessed her love to him, and then asked Dib to go out with her. Dib, to embarrassed to respond wisely, had said sure. He might as well have signed his death sentence. Zim had looked really...weird after.  No doubt the alien was now planning on using her as a hostage against Dib now. Or something like that. Zim hadn’t even bothered threatening him when skool got out yesterday. And now, strangely, Dib felt sort of gypped. Trading insults with the green extraterrestrial was actually fun. Come to think of it, Zim wasn’t even in the cafeteria today. Dib looked around. Probably the freaky little alien was just avoiding corn and mayonnaise day. He put his head back on the table and heard the lunchroom doors slam open.
   He looked up wearily and saw Zim, marching in the door without using his knees, and carrying an enormous radio. The entire room watched as he put the radio on the tale in front of Dib’s, then climbed on the table himself. “Dib-beast! The Zim COMMANDS your attention!” Zim screamed as Gir (in disguise) climbed on the table and waved. “The NORMAL Zim will do something amazing now that you must WITNESS!” Dib stared at the alien, standing on the table pointing insanely at Dib. “Yeah...ok. Go ahead Zim. But if you blow anything up, I’m exposing you.” Zim looked satisfied. “Good. Now, WITNESS THE ZIM!” He nodded at Gir, who saluted, his eyes going red for a moment, “Yes Sir!”and pressed ‘Play’ on the radio. Nothing happened. Gir kicked it and Aviril Lavinge’s ‘Girlfriend’ came on, and to Dib’s horror, Zim started singing with it.
   He actually didn’t sound that bad. No, he sounded...good. On the second chorus, people started singing the ‘Hey, hey, you, you’s and ‘No way no way’s Dib tried to sink into the ground as Zim started the first verse. ‘You’re so fine, I want you mine, You’re so delicious. I think about ya all the time, You’re so addictive. Don’t you know what I could do to make you feel alright? Don’t pretend, I think you know I’m damn precious. And Hell Yeah! I’m the motherfucking princess. I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right!’Gretchen ran from her table and out the cafeteria, bawling as the verse ended. Thoughts raced through Dibs mind as he heard, as though from far away, ‘She’s like so whatever, You could do so much better.  I think we should get together now. And that’s what everyone’s talking about!’ This was wrong, so wrong. Is it? A tiny voice was speaking up. Dib shook his head. He’s a great singer. Said the voice. And his hot green skin... Dib blinked. Where the hell had that thought come from? ‘No way! No way!’ Dib whispered with the song. Dib stared up at the alien. He was putting his heart into that song. He didn’t look like he was faking. Zim was looking at Dib as he sang, deeply, into his eyes as though trying to discover Dibs reaction. He was serious! Dib felt a warm, happy, fuzzy feeling spreading to everywhere from around his stomach. As the choruses faded, there was silence for a moment as Zim and Dib simply looked at each other.
   Then the lunchroom erupted with applause. Half fell over laughing, and several wolf-whistled. Gir waved at them all and started dancing. “Z-Zim...what...what the hell was that?” Dib asked slowly. Zim looked at him shyly. “Zim wishes for the Dib-Beast to be his love-slave, I mean boyfriend.” Dib stared. Was Zim actually asking to go out with him? Several naughty thoughts crossed his mind as he heard ‘love-slave’. “Zim...I don’t know what...” He looked around at all the people watching.”How about I go to your base-er, house later?” Zim seemed positively gleeful. “Does Dib say yes?” Dib looked a little paranoid. "I’m not saying no...or yes. Yet. I’ll see you later.” Dib got up and walked out of the room, a small smile playing on his lips. Zim grinned widely, picked up his radio and Gir’s trailing leash and marched out the room. Dragging Gir and humming the chorus.